"Rebellion" - part I

It was the Portuguese language which influenced my spiritual life and innermost thoughts, and this was the language I used to utter words of love. I began to write as soon as I could read and write and, needless to say, I wrote them in Portuguese. I spent my childhood in Salto de Pirapora and I firmly believe that living in the Southern or Southeastern provinces of Brazil brings one into closer contact with Brazilian life at isn't most authentic because there the country is cultivated with
outside influences. My beliefs were nurtured in Sao Paulo.
And from our housemaids I absorbed the rich folklore of those regions. I was already in my teens when we moved to SP , this vast metropolis I soon began to think of as Brazilian globalized.

As for the way in which I roll my r's, as if I were speaking French or some other foreign language, this is simply because of a speech defect. A defect which I have never succeeded in correcting. A defect which my good friend tells me can be overcome. He has offered to help me but I am lazy and I know perfectly well I would never do the exercises once I was on my own. And besides my rolled r's are not doing anyone any harm. So that should clear up yet another mystery.

Much more difficult to explain, however, is the path my life has taken. If my family had emigrated to the United States along with me, would I still have become an english-lover? Is to say, a brazilian writing in English?
In all probability I would get married to an American and have American children. And my life would be completely different. I wonder what I would have written about? What I would have supported? What sort of friends I would have cultivated? There is a real mystery.
But I'm not married, I don't live with my family, and I still love the English language as my own. And of course, I don't have children....and by the way, I'm only 22. In the other side, I imagine what would have happened If I had stayed in Brazil, with my family. I wonder what I would have written about? What I would have supported? What sorts of friends I would have cultivated?

It's a mystery.

"Rebellion!":

"When love is too great it becomes futile; it can no longer be put to use and not even the person loved has the capacity for so much love. I became as bemused as any child when I realized that even in love we must be sensible and show restraint. Our emotional life, alas, is extremely mediocre."


"I said to a friend:

—Life has always asked too much of me.

She replied:

—But don't forget that you also ask too much of life.

That is true."