Humans and Fantasmas

"Where would she learn to hate so as to die of love?"

I wanted to write about humanity. And I know I'm not a scholar or any sort of philosopher freak. But hey, I am a freak. I may confuse myself even more than usual, I may confuse you reader, or confuse all at once. Suddenly conscious of an absolute freedom, my character here present is unable either to ignore or to transcend this condition.

Memory and Family are the central themes of humanity. Or at least they should be. Even then, they remain selective, incomplete, and around major passages - birth, death, marriage. And other transitional moments. The artist infuses its work with the same human passages. And it's all in one. One piece.

Being raised catholic by the parents I devote my eternal love has changed a lot of my "character" along the latest years - I would say "non-chatolic" (according to my old church's doctrines). My non-troubled period of adolescence (a short adolescence) has brought me to a state of troubled maturity. I can't decide either to be a 22 years old normal young girl or become the super-strong woman I've been trying to reach. I found a conflict between my interior and external world (perhaps if I could at least get drunk when this conflicts appear, but here's something you should know...I cannot get drunk like a normal human being. I can't afford a liquor store).
My vision of humanity and reality gives me identity and need to speak of that which obliges us to be silent. But I'm just a Brazilian girl that hardly understands her own country...that even worse understands America. That cannot understand democracy. That cannot understand her own failures.

I learned that human condition is limited and the narrow divides us between success and failure, the mental and physical by which we struggle toward reality (reality is not always how it seems)...and our vulnerable states. Honestly, I was revealed with a terrible freakness: our insatiable hunger to possess and to be possessed. And it's all behind our masks. That society obliges us to wear. Society.... a blind man has drawn me to the worst. What makes me happy is that I'm with people that were drowned with me. Drowned to the world where right and wrong no longer matters. And if it does, who cares?. We're humans, with failures...a lot of failures, but one thing we can do right to succeed. Never allow ourselves to be tempted by perfection. Know how to accept, how to resign itself, how to ask pardon, how to pardon, and how to love, love, love.

Most people accept religion as the savior, or the solution for all our problems. Religion is the place to find peace and be closer to our spiritual needs. It's not savior. There's no savior. There's life and death, good and bad, like good songs and bad songs. It's like searching in the blindness of its hunger for it's mother's breast. We don't know what's after death...maybe it's just death...maybe spiritual life, maybe life. We don't know anything. How can they be so sure? How can the Islam say that Allah is telling them to hate westerners? No, Islam is lost in their own beliefs. But they're also alone in all this. Cause we ("westerners") all we do is say they're wrong. We're not right. That's for sure. They're not either. So who's right? Who's good and who's bad? We're all good, and we're all bad....we're humans. And as humans, we choose. We choose to live our lives according to our beliefs. We choose to fail. We choose to succeed. We choose to take off our masks. We choose to accept. We choose to possess.

As long as humanity exists, problems will exist, war, good and bad, suffering, poverty, injustice, memories.

It was always like this, not worse nor better....the same humanity failures and success. So, we should just stop asking why and accept our choices.

a.m.a.