Virgin

I was born in 1986. I'm not bragging about the times I lived through. I'm simply trying to convey what it felt like living through that age, and the fact that there was something special about it.
I strikes me now that most of the girls of my generation - the moderates, you might designate them - whether virgins or not, agonized over the whole issue of sex. They didn't insist that virginity was such a precious thing, nor denounce it as some stupid relic of the past. So what actually happened? What is this all about?
And I'm not just talking about virginity...but what I'm saying applies to many issues I have with people. Like every generation, there were all kinds of people, all kinds of values. Like every country, all kinds of people, all kinds of values. Like every family, all kinds of people, all kinds of values.

She's so tired. Tired of being sick. Tired of values. Tired of behavior. Tired of her paintings. Tired of trying so hard. She's so sorry to write this pure moldy blog in such circunstances.

Last night it was my day to ask a old friend about her life, whether she had children, where she lived. I had no idea if her e-mail address was the same. She's moving from London to Swiss. So that's what we talked about, changes. Sometimes I felt a bit awkward, but enjoyed talking with her again. We chatted like two old friends who'd said goodbye long ago and who were now walking two separate lives (we shared the same classroom for 10 years). Once we said everything there was to say, silence. A very deep silence. The kind of silence where, if you close your eyes, all sorts of images start to pop up in your mind like you're high or something. It had been a long time since I'd spoken so openly, so honestly, to anybody...and it made me feel old.

I feel old. Old in terms of understanding. Understanding this world. Why do people think a sign will come and save us? Sorry to tell you but ain't no sign. No sign to tell you what to do. To tell you that virgins are more right or wrong. To tell you that you're a natural-born leader. That you're natural born artist. Or a natural-born perfect. I suppose I have to listen elder people, cause I suppose they know more about life. More about living life. I've been trying to do very well for myself. I'm out in this world. Not waiting for a sign...but throwing myself in it. I'm easily seen as a kid to many people. Because easily nobody listens to a kid.

She should pray more. She should listen more.

I'm staring at my own coffee cup and thinking how things changed. Even my coffee, no longer with sugar.